Game of Clowns

I thought long and hard about this blog, I mean it's one thing to tear into someone's religious views, but sport is important and people get weird about it. However, I would be dishonest if I didn't voice my opinion on this particular game, American football. To be frank, it's rubbish and even most of those who profess to follow it, don't really care about it, this becomes obvious when you go to a bar, or someone's house and watch the crowd watching the game. But who can blame them, the game lasts four hours, of which about 12 minutes is action, the rest is posturing and talking on radio's.

To really figure out why the Americans took a perfectly good game (Rugby) and utterly ruined it you have to examine the American Psyche. This is a society that has absolutely zero patience, nil. If you watch TV in the US you very soon get irritated by the commercial breaks which are often and long, after each break as your program resumes you get a recap, this is to bring those who have just joined the channel (having lost patience with whatever they were trying to watch) up to speed. Drive through fast food, pharmacies, banks, dry cleaners etc. All of these institutions and businesses provide this drive through service to try and satiate the endless demand for time saved. This behavior is indicative of  a society that has, for the most part, lost the ability to enjoy subtle nuance and the long term view.

American football is highly skilled, of that there is absolutely no doubt, at least it is for the ball handlers,  because (and this may come as a surprise to non fans) not all the players actually touch the ball, indeed you can go an entire career as a footballer and never touch the ball. A pin point accurate pass thrown over huge distance and plucked out the air by a flying receiver is a sight to behold, it's just that these brief moments of sporting excellence are punctuated by hours (and that's no exaggeration) of tedious team changes and pep talks. And there are two teams, I don't mean in total I mean each team has two teams? So your twelve minutes of action is split between four teams in total, but this model fits perfectly into the American psyche, a long build up, giving you time to chat and eat/drink, a brief spurt of action for a few seconds, long enough to cheer but (crucially) not long enough to get bored and then another long break while the teams change and the coach chats on the radio.

Rugby is a running game, the aim is the same as American football, get the ball to the other end for a try (touch down) or a field goal. It's a game of tactics but all the tactics are decided on the field, specifically by the captain, the game is split into two halves of 40 minutes with a ten minute break. American football has become a series of set plays and the coach calls the shots. The uniforms are garish and the players are padded and helmeted. All this is set to a musical backdrop (in college games at least) provided by team bands that would make a gay pride march seem drab in comparison.

But the one thing that I really don't understand is the lack of consequence for the season as a whole, have your worst ever season, lose every game and no matter, you're back next year, playing the same teams again. One thing I admire about Americans is their "stand on your own two feet attitude", "Sink or swim" except in Football, crap this year? never mind, next year we'll give you the pick of the college crop. Having a bad college season? No sweat, you'll just keep playing in a series of more and more meaningless games until you win something. It's just so un-American, everyone's a winner? it's practically communism.

Now goodness knows Americans love their minority sports, Baseball, Basketball, Women's Basketball??, Lacrosse??? but to take a beautiful game of power, grace and fearless aggression, dress it in helmeted gold skintight lurex, supported by gay bandsmen and say "don't worry no matter how crap you are we'll be back next year" is just plain wrong. It's a classic case of the triumph of style over substance. The football season itself is mercifully short but the lead up to it, the hype, starts just after the previous season ends, there's even a lead up to the draft which in itself is a microcosm of what's wrong with the whole game. Instead of having a draft season, allowing all involved to figure out who goes where, everything is settled within a few hours. This allows the marketing people to build the event up, sell lots of advertising and thus create an event out of what is actually an administrative exercise.

College Football, oh dear, where do I start? I often hear, "It's the true game, they are playing for the love of the game". Nonsense they are playing for an NFL contract and don't tell me they wouldn't take a pay check if it was offered. Personally I think they should be paid because the vast majority won't make it in the Pro's and an average degree in hotel and leisure management isn't going far in Mississippi. There is far too much hype surrounding college football programs and not enough on academics, It's no surprise that Harvard and Princeton don't have famous football teams, they do however produce some of the brightest stars in law, engineering, business and medicine.

Which brings me back to my first point, deep down, nobody really cares, you can buy a package on cable that plays six games at once, I follow real football or "Sacker" as it's called here and when my team is playing that's all I care about. I have zero interest in a any other game, I may be interested in the result of another game because it may impact on my teams destiny, but not the game itself. I am passionate about my team, don't get in the way, don't talk to me. I know when the game starts, when it finishes and what the consequences of every possible outcome will be. I don't have to wait on the outcome of a committee meeting to see where my team is "ranked" (not that it actually matters) because we play for points and the consequences of not accumulating enough points over a season are truly terrible, relegation to a lower division, loss of key players and a huge loss on TV revenue. So when it comes to the last few games of the season, I care, I really do.

Rant Over.